Him: He was my kind of man.
Me: Why?
Him: 1.Savy and thrifty shopper, 2.Loved to cook, 3.Made his own marinade

Please, I say about ten times as many gay things as what makes it up on that dumb site.

What I need is a man-sized pillow, something to really hold on to.

Him: The reason I liked you was because when we first talked on the phone you had a low voice.

Me: Like a man’s voice?

He giggles.

She (Robin Wright) should totally have sex with him (Ben Daniels). I know I would. 

I feel like I’m in hell, but I was just in a state of rapture.

I wish they had balls, so I could just grab them.

Me: Anne Hathaway does not look good in that dress.

Him: Anne Hathaway doesn’t look good in anything. She’s an older version of Julia Roberts.

I’m not a hater, I like Daniel Radcliffe.

Him: Why is Arsenio wearing a dress?

Me: That’s Robin Roberts, she just had a bone marrow transplant.

Him: Look if you don’t want me to be sassy, I don’t know if we can enjoy the Oscars together.