Me: Guess who I saw today?!
Him: Who?
Me: Your favorite actor, Woody Harrelson!
Him: What was he wearing?!??

Look at that rooftop patio, I’d be his girlfriend. I mean, you know, if I was a girl.

Him: Remember what Suze Orman says, “Live below your means.”

( I laugh)

Him: Why are you laughing?! She’s the bee’s knees!

That’s cool, it doesn’t match your dress but…

These things are hard to do when you get to the end and have to deep throat it. I’m good at it, but I dont like it.

Let’s watch “Bronson.” Tom Hardy is on the cover. Shirtless!

Clarence, you’re the best snuggler. You’re snuggle-perfect.

There’s nothing like a good afghan to relax you.

Him: I like her shirt
Me: I’m sure, her boobs are falling out of it.
Him: What? No it’s a really nice pattern.

Me: I hate dressing up. I don’t feel comfortable in anything other than pants and a t shirt.

Him: See I think if I were a lady, I’d dress up way more. You guys have all these options guys don’t have. I’d be the belle of the ball.