Me: You like my mint sweater?
Him: You mean pistachio.
Once you reach a certain age, abs—you can take em or leave em. But a bathroom with his and hers sinks? Hello!
Me: This singer sounds like someone but I can’t put my finger on it
Him: She’s a cross between Amy and Nora
I look at him questioningly
Him: Winehouse and Jones, duh
Russel Wilson is way more attractive. He is a beautiful 23 year old with a Colgate smile.
I’d have a Woody too if I was standing next to Matthew McConaughey
If any phase of life would call for a good vibrator, it’s a doctor’s residency.
I got way too hot earlier, and not just like Mario Lopez hot but John Stamos hot.
Me: I think I’m going to cut arm holes in it.
Him: I like it as is.
Me: But it looks so weird when I wear my it with my backpack.
Him: That’s because this is an outfit you wear with a nice clutch.
Me: You’re the woman in this relationship.
Him: Someone’s gotta be.