I got way too hot earlier, and not just like Mario Lopez hot but John Stamos hot.
Me: I think I’m going to cut arm holes in it.
Him: I like it as is.
Me: But it looks so weird when I wear my it with my backpack.
Him: That’s because this is an outfit you wear with a nice clutch.
Me: You’re the woman in this relationship.
Him: Someone’s gotta be.
Him: How’s your friend?
Me: Good, apparently she’s dating a dude with a big dick.
Him: How many inches?
Me: I didn’t ask.
Him: Ugh, you’re the worst.
My friend: I want to go to a nude beach someday.
Him: (very proud) I showered with all the wrestling coaches on Friday!