Things My Straight Boyfriend Says

Dec 28

Turning on the air conditioning

I got way too hot earlier, and not just like Mario Lopez hot but John Stamos hot.

Dec 22

Showing him my new poncho

Me: I think I’m going to cut arm holes in it.

Him: I like it as is.

Me: But it looks so weird when I wear my it with my backpack.

Him: That’s because this is an outfit you wear with a nice clutch.

Dec 20

Me: You’re the woman in this relationship.

Him: Someone’s gotta be.

Dec 17

[video]

Nov 30

Him: How’s your friend?

Me: Good, apparently she’s dating a dude with a big dick.

Him: How many inches?

Me: I didn’t ask.

Him: Ugh, you’re the worst.

Nov 04

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[video]

[video]

[video]

Oct 26

My friend: I want to go to a nude beach someday.

Him: (very proud) I showered with all the wrestling coaches on Friday!