Things My Straight Boyfriend Says

Dec 17


Nov 30

Him: How’s your friend?

Me: Good, apparently she’s dating a dude with a big dick.

Him: How many inches?

Me: I didn’t ask.

Him: Ugh, you’re the worst.

Nov 04





Oct 26

My friend: I want to go to a nude beach someday.

Him: (very proud) I showered with all the wrestling coaches on Friday!

Me: Hey you know that green and pink pillow we have?

Him: Umm…you mean teal and fuscia.

Oct 22

Inspecting my curling iron

Me: Curls are in!

Him: Yeah, like Jessica Alba two years ago.

Sep 30

Me: Do you still want me to buy you a long body pillow?

Him: Yes! As long as it’s thick!