Things My Straight Boyfriend Says

Oct 26

Me: Hey you know that green and pink pillow we have?

Him: Umm…you mean teal and fuscia.

Oct 22

Inspecting my curling iron

Me: Curls are in!

Him: Yeah, like Jessica Alba two years ago.

Sep 30

Me: Do you still want me to buy you a long body pillow?

Him: Yes! As long as it’s thick!

Sep 29

While watching TV

Me: Not attractive (pointing to a beauty queen on TV).

Him: Ew, it’s hideous.

Me: I like how you call her “it.”

Him: Oh I was looking at her dress.

Sep 21

Getting Ready

I’m going to do my fancy hair.

Sep 06

On the subway platform

Me: Those are some tight jeans.

Him: Those are jeggings.

Sep 05

While talking about dating

I’m not single, I’m busy!

Aug 27

In response to a passerby

Really? White socks with demi boots?

(Moments later)

That girl is trying to play Dharma to his Greg.

Aug 19

I want to see the new Ryan Gosling movie…I’m a BIG Gos fan.

There is nothing wrong with going bald. I mean look at Woody Harrelson. Mmmhm.