Things My Straight Boyfriend Says

Sep 29

While watching TV

Me: Not attractive (pointing to a beauty queen on TV).

Him: Ew, it’s hideous.

Me: I like how you call her “it.”

Him: Oh I was looking at her dress.

Sep 21

Getting Ready

I’m going to do my fancy hair.

Sep 06

On the subway platform

Me: Those are some tight jeans.

Him: Those are jeggings.

Sep 05

While talking about dating

I’m not single, I’m busy!

Aug 27

In response to a passerby

Really? White socks with demi boots?

(Moments later)

That girl is trying to play Dharma to his Greg.

Aug 19

I want to see the new Ryan Gosling movie…I’m a BIG Gos fan.

There is nothing wrong with going bald. I mean look at Woody Harrelson. Mmmhm.

Aug 16

I’m going to call off the wedding, she’s not letting me plan enough.

Aug 12

Eating chocolate

Me: Nah, I don’t want anymore sweet things tonight.

Him: Then I guess I’ll leave.

Jul 30

Admiring our dog

Me: He’s so good looking.

Him: Yeah he’s like Bradley Cooper. Long and lean with a distinguished nose and soft eyes…