I learned from Tyra Banks that if you’re shooting in the sun, you close your eyes until the final moment, and then you open them wide right before the shot.
Him: Are those the shoes you are going to wear in the wedding?
Me: Yeah. What, you don’t like them?
Him: They just don’t seem very fun.
Friend: I know this guy who is a fifty year old gay architect with impeccable taste.
Him: I like two of those things.
Him: I’ve seen a lot of dick tats.
Him: They’re interesting!
My shorts never last, I always blow the crotch out.
Him: That’s a tall drink of water.
Me: Were you looking at his butt?
Him: No, I was talking about the whole package.
My gay friend was telling me about all his sexploits…It seems so much easier and more fun.
Me: I know way more cool dads than cool moms.
Him: That’s because it’s better to be a man than a woman. Wouldn’t you rather be married to a man than a woman?
Me: Yeah, but wouldn’t you rather be married to a woman?
Me: I saw a girl wearing jeans with heels while doing improv.
Me: It’s just weird, she was wearing black pumps to do improv.
Him: PUMPS? It’s summer, I would have expected a strappy heel.
I’ll do the flower arrangements. I have a good eye for flower composition.